Hating My Father

SATURDAY
January 11, 2014

Sometimes at night, it is difficult to sleep even after taking sleeping pills. So my mind preys on me by thinking about awful things from the past.

There are many reasons that I hated (still hate) my father, this is an example.

I laid awake for several hours last night lamenting about a poor dog that my father would not let inside our house.  How lonely this little Schnauzer, Misty, must have been. She had adequate shelter, food, and water. I always went outside to take care of her, play with her, and clean out her came of poop. But she was outside ALL the time. Never to join our family. As far to the back of our 1/4 acre of property as was possible. He gave in to my pleadings for a dog to pacify my mother. My father bred Misty later for the sale of her pups. It was awful. He screamed at me when Misty was in pain having her pups. I ran outside as a child & swearing all sorts of evil revenge upon his head.

Another puppy we got laid outside our house in a cardboard box, dying in extreme pain from a form of Parvo? It must have been. My father would not let me do anything for the puppy, (I don't even remember if it was female or male) he refused to take it to a Veterinarian.

My father died alone. I hope he died in pain. To have no empathy for a living animal. I detested the man.

We got up today and made breakfast. I made latte for hubby and eggs for dogs.

Hubby had several things at shop to do and was in a mood where he just can't decide what to do. We took the dogs for a walk in the park. There was water over the road at the old lady's house on the way into town.

Lots of trees down across the roads towards the park. Wind was blowing a lot; gusts of 60 mph?

We took a new trail thru the park but the trees bent over so far with the wind, it was scary. I thought they would fall upon us.

Drove down to Bayview to feed the ducks again. We had two loaves of bread and some corn tortillas. The ducks were starved. There were several who came directly to us, but a lot were too scared to be near us. The three geese are with them again and even seemed happy to see us! I think I will name them Huey, Louie, & Dewey.

Huey, Dewey, & Louie

 Ducks & Geese

On the way home, stopped at Victory Auto Parts to get gravel for the driveway. Dropped the dogs off at home while I fed the deer out front. Hubby went down to the shop to work.

Hubby had called Don & Lucille to go over there, Lucille said their son had died. How awful.

Hubby came back from getting a truck with #3.  At 2:00, he came up to the house and got me so we could go over to Spokane Spauldings together. We took Bud, Maggie, & Lil Bit with us. Ben was upset to see us go.

We stopped to get a drink on the way into Spokane. The wind was blowing hard again.

At Spauldings, I had to go potty. Then I walked all the dogs. Hubby had the guys at Spauldings load the rear end. As we were leaving Spauldings, I was hit with intense Diverticulitis pains. I had hubby pull over in an abandoned building so that I could throw up; the pain was so bad.

As I screamed in agony, the pain seeped away. It seemed to take forever, but only lasted about 15 minutes.

We stopped in Rathdrum to get burgers for the dogs & something for #3 to eat.

At home, I barely made it in the house. Hubby helped me. I fed the burgers to the dogs, then sat down to rest for a while on a heating pad. I was in lots of pain.

Watched a couple episodes of Game of Thrones on HBO (free this weekend).

Put away laundry later.

Hubby stayed up to watch tv until 1AM; I had been in bed since 7PM. He woke me up and I could not sleep for hours because of the pain.